just under two months

since my last post. No, I haven't forgotten about blogger; it's just that I have had little I felt I needed to write down in order to get off my chest. Even now, I don't feel a whole lot needs to be said. Mostly just looking for a way of saying things without feeling as if I'm revealing too much to someone I don't know too well or would rather not want them knowing too many revealing details of my life and inner thoughts.

quick updates. Rugby camp starts the day after tomorrow. I've been training all summer for this, and without getting too much into jock mode, (ie talking about benching, sprint times, etc.) I'm really proud of the progress I've made this summer. Rugby is very much a confidence sport, and I am very much a confidence player. If I feel like those around me have little confidence in me, I tend to play poorer. This summer, the training has been much more focused, and I feel like I'm going in knowing I will be one of the better players out on the field. This is encouraging on a personal level, and allows me to elevate into a leadership role, which is where I like to be.

school starts Sept. 2nd. my class schedule sucks. hopefully the classes will be good, interesting, whatever. there is only one I'm really interested in taking which of course is focused on my major. Two of the classes are BS and I am just looking to work hard enough for those A's. School, Rugby, Work. I am genuinely looking forward to the routine. I've decided to cut my work hour availability to 15 hours a week. This gives me just enough money to cover food each month for me (with little spending cash alloted unfortunately). I'm serious about my 4.0 this semester, I know I say that to myself every semester(and one semester I did it, interestingly enough it was a semester of all history/political science classes and an English class), but this time it's for real. the 2 year goal is about to be set in motion and so far in life I have yet to fail at a two year goal. they don't always go exactly as planned, but ultimately I have been very satisfied with the results.

Music. Music has never been the same for me since I quit stick to your guns. so much passion left me when I left that part of my life. In a way it saddens me. I set up my guitar equipment in my "new" room, hopefully as a way of encouraging me to take out my guitar and actually play. (my amp hasn't been turned on since I quit and my strings haven't been changed since my last tour). In a way this brings me back to the idea of having a purpose in life. Back when I was playing, I had a purpose to be doing so. playing now so far has had little purpose other than to distract me for 30 minutes at a time. I also set my trumpet out in my room. This too was done in hopes of rekindling that spirit I know I had at one point. Now that I'm thinking about it, maybe that passion has been transferred to other things, but I like to think something I loved so much will always remain with me, and for now I refuse to give up on it. I've definitely been reading up a lot more about music, listening to new bands, exploring what's out there. This is something I haven't done since tower records decided to shut its doors. something about shopping online for music is so much more less appealing than browsing seemingly endless aisles of cd's hoping to find something totally new and awesome.

For now, my Radiohead binge remains, including Christopher O'Reilly's "True Love Waits" album which is basically Radiohead songs remixed on a piano. All in all, combined with my new mixes I create for myself for time to time, I hope this rekindled spirit continues to grow, who knows, maybe I'll start going to shows again.

Finishing this post, I've realized it is now 12:12 aug. 22nd, exactly two months since my last post. sweet.

College parties

It's tough not to over generalize. I'm doing my best to reserve judgement but it's difficult when people act this stupid. My roommates birthday is tonight so she decided to have people over. I'm totally cool with that, its not like I have to be up early or anything. It's frustrating however when party conversations are reduced to shouting matches about nothing and a constant ongoing hour long conversation regarding some girl loosing her phone. I have not been involved with any of this, merely observing it all through the walls of my own room. 

I guess now I realize why I don't like having parties, drunk kids are dumb and annoying. I might be enjoying it more if I was out there having a drink and enjoying it with them, and I tried to do that for about 40 minutes. didn't work. 

Anyways, before I start ranting too much and being too mean and judgmental I'll just end now. 

Tommorrow, I'm going to start my workouts! its going to be sweet.

I've had a really nice time, but my dogs need to be fed

So this update is beyond several days late, slightly pathetic and I apologize. I am now officially a Boston University undergraduate student. Sweet! It's an awesome feeling and I feel quite accomplished. This has been a very long two year goal and I'm very thankful I've finally made it. I've thoroughly enjoyed the adventures, the ups and downs, the moments of doubt, all in all, incredibly rewarding. I'm looking forward to the multitude of doors that should be opening for me. 

With this change, I feel my chapter as a Trader Joe's employee will be closing within the next couple of months. I am completely grateful for the memories, learning experiences, and wonderful friendships I have developed there, but at this point, I feel like it is the right time to move on. I will be looking for employment on the BU campus, preferably something in the Arts and Sciences school, within the International Relations department. As well, there should be a good amount of internships opening for me, and oppertunities to grow elsewhere. 

I'm beginning to also feel like Boston is home. I still am in the habit of referring to California as home, and in a way it always will be, but I like to think that my heart will grow more for this city and begin to recognize it as home. I think the one thing holding this growth back is the lack of relationships out here. This is in no way a complaint for a lack of friendships, more it simply is something I understand comes with time. 

My neighbors are crazy Russians, they yell a lot in Russian, at times entertaining, and at times a little sad because I've never once desired to live a life where I was constantly that angry. 

Dracula's Daughter

Just an update. Nothing profound here. I spent most of my day running errands, spending money I shouldn't be spending. I now have all of my music and files off of my old computer and onto a new external hard drive. I'm still confused however as to how I'm supposed to load new music onto the new hard drive via my laptop without eating up precious GB space on my laptop. even more confusing, how do I update my ipod via the new hard drive. (this question is slightly rhetorical, however can also be directed towards Sheri since I'm 99.99999% sure she is/will be the only one that ever reads this blog). 

I'm semi seriously looking up job adds on craig's list in the Boston area. If I find something really sweet and awesome, I might take it. I just hope this 3 day a week thing at Trader Joe's stops. I've been working too hard there to just give up I feel, but at the same time I don't yet feel invested in this store as I did in the last one. I worked my ass off and hopefully got some recognition, enough to award me maybe four days a week? Anyways, making friends there is going to be slightly more difficult than I imagined. There is pretty much no time in the store where business is "slow". this is nice when making time go by faster, but for having multiple social breaks throughout my day, not so much. 

Anyways, I have a free day tommorrow, I still have other odds and ends errands to clear up, hopefully I'll get a free Ipod out of one of them. (seriously, long story, but hopefully I do). 

I'm out!

5-O makes me want to flip, Larry David style

Here is an old song I started writing last year. It's not finished, but in a way it is. I don't know, it's something I was really excited to start but never really got a chance to brainstorm more on it. maybe by posting it I'll find a way to.

I’ve resolved to

Remain resolute

To maintain my weary state

And not succomb to fate

 

And free will I be

When the shore, I have reached

Until then I will commit

To fight against this tide

That just won’t give in

Boston

Today is my first full day in Boston. Like Ben Franklin recommended, I was up at 4:45 this morning. Sweet. It was actually not my idea, my dad needed to be at the airport at 5:30 this morning. Now I'm just waiting for things like radio shack, target, etc. to be open so I can pick up some essentials to make this apartment like home. 

My walls are sky blue with a pink trim around them. NOT sweet. I've never painted before, I guess this will be my crash course. The room is also slightly smaller than I had anticipated, I guess I'll just have to be creative in how I store things. This type of city living also requires a reorganization of how I live my day to day, and how I prepare for my day to day. I have such a long list of things to do. I'll probably be taking a nap around 1 this afternoon. word. 

Why is it i worked so hard in getting my last place clean, only to find my new place is a complete mess. I'm pretty sure these hardwood floors haven't been scrubbed in over a year. My roommates seem nice, but we'll see how clean they are, they claim to be, though I see no evidence of that. I'm already yawning writing this, I need to get active and involved, there was a bagel store down the street I saw, time for some caffeinated beverages and something to eat. (the fridge is an utter disaster and needs to be cleaned asap). 

Now to go study some maps of the places I need to go in the hopes I won't get lost and look like the new guy in the city who's walking in circles. 

A new found respect

This one goes out to all the stay at home/soccer moms. 

So I just spent nearly two hours scrubbing my Tub. I feel very accomplished finally finishing, but the rest of the house? Man, maybe I shouldn't wait every six months to clean these sorts of things. Now to go watch some romantic comedies.

(this was a weak update, but I just needed to say it).

exactly a week from now

Exactly a week from now I will be embarking on my long drive to Boston. I have so many emotions going on right now in my head its difficult for me to express one exact emotion at any given moment. Yesterday I spent the day with Sheri, which the one emotion I was able to vividly maintain was my excitement and happiness to be with her. 

My semester is officially over, but I have yet to process that. This move is certainly taking its toll on me. It doesn't help that me and my mom operate in two different ways. My way is, things will get done just get to work. Her way, talk about things and everything you have left to do constantly until you feel so overwhelmed you can't help but be stressed by everything. Somehow she manages to work well under that, I can't. Going to work today was a relief compared to having to work with her to get this house back into shape and ready for new renters to move in. Note to self, it would probably better not to rent from my mom in the future. This sounds horrible, all this venting about her, cause I do love her, just it's difficult for me to work with her. I don't think we could ever be partners. Both of us can be very efficient, just in completely different ways I guess is how I have to understand it. 

So a week and two days from now I'll officially be a resident of Boston. I need to start figuring out a list of fun things to do. Maybe just hop on the T and see where it takes me, or a bus, or something. I need to make some superficial friends quick just so I have someone to hang out with. who knows, maybe they'll be lasting maybe not, but I think that will be most important in making sure I don't feel completely alone. Cause I am excited to be moving to somewhere completely new, and I want to make the most of it. 

I really need to stop typing and get some sleep. work tomorrow at 5am. goodnight.

laundry list

Truck has been sold, moving stuff is coming together, and the house is still a mess, but not nearly as bad as it could be. (reminds me of me and Sheri convincing ourselves that our disc golf throws were not "nearly as bad as it could have been" when in all reality they were some pretty bad shots). I feel like I should record these memories (which I am right now) but at the same time it just feels like one little thing after another I have to get done and not some big momentous cheesy moment like the romantic comedies I watch. I'm moving to Boston where I know no one. I don't even know if I'll be going to school this fall. That's kind of a big deal I think. I feel like I should be preparing in some way, but I don't really know what for. Maybe I should practice more at making friends and being super stoked on everything people say to me so that way they'll like me. 

So far everything else has been falling into place, I wonder if God plans on seeing this last major aspect through for me or not, we'll see. Either way something is happening. As much as I love my cat, I'll be happy to be passing him off. Today he was being extra annoying, which once every week-week and a half he has a tendency of being. Constant meowing, refusing to leave me alone, etc. Study habits are difficult. Part of me just feels like taking the B and half assing the rest of my studying, and part of me genuinely wants to know and understand this material (regarding my political science class mostly). Each semester I tell myself I'll improve my habits. which I have in baby steps, but not enough to make huge differences. For instance, this semester I have started studying sometimes three or four days before a final/midterm as opposed to the night before or the day of. I think I enjoy the pressure of cramming a little to much is the problem. 

This has been a string of random thoughts, or a "laundry list" of things I needed to get off my mind. 

one more thing, the lack of an updated Ipod has caused me to listen to things I don't normally listen to or are generally not so inclined to listen to. For instnace, my entire discography of Coletrane is on right now. I think having an unupdated Ipod is going to force me to listen to things I don't listen to on a normal basis, and if they are all as enjoyable as this, it won't be so bad. 

Moving!

I just made the reservation for my moving truck. I did a little price comparison, Penske trucks ended up being $1,000 cheaper than U-Haul, interesting. Being a little skeptical, I did some research on their trucks and everything appears to check out, so $1000 bonus to myself it is! Actually, that will probably go towards unexpected expenses I know I'll hit along the way. I hear strip clubs in the midwest are top notch, maybe I'll factor some of that into necessary expenses during our trip. What a bonding experience that will be for me and my father. 

Still haven't heard from BU, today is officially the middle of May, so technically I wouldn't have heard anything from them until today. I hate being so anxious, I liked it better in high school when acceptance letters were about as cool as finding three bucks in my back pocket. Mostly, I just have to keep reassuring myself why they would be crazy not to accept me and that calms me down a bit. 

I have more things to do this afternoon and I sort of just want to ignore doing them, but I can't. Sheri and I will be doing another weekend excursion through Orange County. As always, I'm looking forward to it. 

On another note, I have listened to Radiohead nearly three times a day for the past week and a half. I just keep playing the same three albums I have (Amnesiac, Kid A, OK Computer). I don't know why but it keeps fitting every mood I'm in throughout the day, wierd.  I need Sheri around more often, she motivates me better cause I really need to get stuff done!

Day one.

So this would be my first blog. I finally have been motivated to set this up. I've always wanted to, and until this point I have mostly kept journals and notebooks anytime I felt like writing. 

At this point, I don't really have a purpose for keeping this blog. Maybe from time to time I'll have commentary on political happenings, movies, books, music, but for the most part I think this will be a modem for personal release and reflection. The problem with this more personal approach is the fact that I am inspired to write almost exclusively when I feel particularly depressed, angry, upset, or regretful. I've frequently tried to curb this habit with attempts at positive, uplifting writings, but so far have failed. This blog will be another attempt. 

Now for some personal thoughts.

I'm satisfied with where I'm at. My friendships and relationships here in California are departing on a very positive note. In looking back, every major transition, which usually involved switching schools, leaving sporting teams, quitting a musical endeavor, I tended to leave on less than desirable terms. This time around, leaving my rugby team was actually more difficult than I had initially realized it would be. Towards the end I recognized I genuinely enjoyed being around those guys or at the very least was able to tolerate the idiotic things they would do. I think it was good I was able to see myself end on such a good note. In the same vein, I've recognized how much I enjoy the people I work with and how apprehensive I am at the thought of working with less than desirable people. With 150 other employees, I'm sure there will be someone there I can get along with, hopefully! 

Usually finding a new friend goes as follows: I continue to make sarcastic remarks at things people say or do to myself quietly, but just loud enough for someone near by to hear. Then, if I get a laugh from someone, I focus in on that person until I'm able to break the uncomfortable first impression moments. I'm not sure how well sarcasm will be received on the East Coast, with open arms? I hope so. 

Finally, here is a song I wrote, a little background on this. Initially this started as a poem in my Junior year of high school (2005). There were protests/marches going on outside my Catholic high school regarding the heated Illegal Immigration debate here in California. The protesters, many of whom looked about my age, felt it necessary to express anger at my "rich preppy catholic school" and began throwing eggs and a myriad of other things at our buildings as they walked by. Little did these people realize the official stance of the Catholic Church regarding this sensitive debate. Essentially, the Stance could be summed up as follows, The church completely supports open borders in regards to people seeking a better standard of living. I listened to several speeches by Cardinal Mahoney (sp?) of Los Angeles giving sermons at Mass expressing his anger towards border patrols and his stance, which in turn became the stance of the church in southern California, that they will support illegal immigrants. Funny, cause apparently these die hard protesters and marchers failed to realize this as they thought they were sticking it to the man. (the man here represented by my expensive private high school).

Anyways, interesting bit of Irony, so the first stanza I wrote during that march when sitting in one of my classes. In usual fashion, I never ended up finishing that poem. Flash forward to spring 2008, my English class assigns me to write a song, and I thought, well what a perfect opportunity to finish one of my many poems/songs. I chose this one. I had to turn it into a song and the assignment required a chorus for it, which although I'm satisfied with, I feel is the weakest point of the song. So, enough talking Justin! enjoy this whoever has made it this far. 

Friend, you seem to be resisting

You claim that you’re listening

But really, can you hear me?

The change you wish to see

The way you wish the world could be

Our hope, it begins

With seeing things

A little more clearly

No picket signs

No chants from a crowd

No need for a cause to make us proud

Of the hollow words we scream out loud

 

And don’t you think it’s time we see

The way we wish the world could be

Oh, how we wish the world could see

Give to them more clarity

Solidarity, this is our crying plea

 

Our time is now, friend

Lets make our stand

A war within ourselves

Not on some foreign land

The blood stained soil

A life long toil

To force the burden of another

Onto each other,

How can we not realize

These are our sisters, our brothers

 

Truly it’s painful to see

That those all around me are

Constantly clashing and

Crashing, like the past Empire’s fight

To turn their might into right

When really, is it not plain to see,

All we truly need is solidarity

 

And don’t you think it’s time we see

The way we wish the world could be

Oh, how we wish the world could see

Give to them more clarity

Solidarity, this is our crying plea

Okay, I'm out! that was a long first post, I guess I had a lot to say. (and I withheld a lot! so plenty of fuel for later posts :) ] 

Justin